Review – “All The Bright Places” by Jennifer Niven

Synopsis: An exhilarating and heart-wrenching love story about a girl who learns to live from a boy who intends to die. Theodore Finch is fascinated by death. Every day he thinks of ways he might die, but every day he also searches for—and manages to find—something to keep him here, and alive, and awake. Violet Markey lives for the future, counting the days until graduation, when she can escape her small Indiana town and her aching grief in the wake of her sister’s death. When Finch and Violet meet on the ledge of the bell tower at school—six stories above the ground—it’s unclear who saves whom. And when the unlikely pair teams up on a class project to discover the “natural wonders” of their state, they go, as Finch says, where the road takes them: the grand, the small, the bizarre, the beautiful, the ugly, the surprising—just like life. Soon it’s only with Violet that Finch can be himself—a bold, funny, live-out-loud guy, who’s not such a freak after all. And it’s only with Finch that Violet forgets to count away the days and starts living them. But as Violet’s world grows, Finch’s begins to shrink. This is a heart-wrenching, unflinching story of love shared, life lived, and two teens who find one another while standing on the edge.

This book was one that was constantly brought to my attention every time I seemed to completely forget about it, so in the end I finally decided to read it.

I have never been too keen on the book being advertised as the next The Fault in Our Stars, not because I have something with John Green, but because it ultimately uses the novel’s senstive subject matter of mental illness as a way of promoting the story, thus risking turining it into a sensational topic. But the general consensus among those who have read it is that it is worthwile, so I decided to look beyond what is, in my opinion, a questionable marketing strategy.

The novel has a very strong, gripping opening – the first line really sticks with you. It is a bit clichéic for me, but it did make me want to read on, even if only for the sake of seeing if the clichés continue. As the synopsis says, the book opens with the main characters meeting on the bell tower of their high school, which throws the reader right in the thick of the action.

The story follows Violet and Theodore Finch, who take turns being narrators, and who are both in a really bad place when we first meet them on that bell tower. The friendship that unfolds between them shows readers how two very different people can come together in the best of ways, even if they are brought together by an unfortunate situation.

I took an immediate liking to Finch. Beyond the synopsis description of him being a guy who constantly comes up with ways to kill himself, he is complex and rich – a very well rounded character, with whom it’s really easy to engage. He manages to encompass the contradictions that take over when you suffer from depression – his constant need to stay alive, while being unable to stop himself from thinking about the ways other people have commited suicide. Violet is similarly having a hard time coming to terms with her sister having passed away, and the way she has retreated in her shell as a result of it is something that I really appreciate, because it feels like such a realistic reaction to such a traumatic event. I love the way their love doesn’t just happen, but progresses from friendship, and the way their journey across Indiana to discover their state also turns into a journey of self-discovery. I am also a huge fan of the fact that they use Virginia Woolf quotes.

However, as much as I loved the characters and their journey, there are a few things which I was not pleased with. Firstly, while for the most part, the book is hopeful regarding mental illness, the ending throws that away (it is also pretty predictable thanks to the structure of the book). Moreover, recovering from mental illness is, in my opinion, treated problematically in the novel. There is no mention of any medication that might help, Finch’s mental illness remains undiagnosed and therapists are portrayed in a pretty negative light. So, while the book seems helpful to someone who knows people that are struggling with mental illness, it does not do too much for those who are suffering from it.

What really, really bothered me the most, however, is the way no one tries to figure out what is wrong with Finch. His problems are mostly ignored by his friends and family. And while he is actively helping Violet move past the trauma that holds her stuck in the past, no-one is putting in a similar effort for him. He is fighting against his issues by himself. The final part of the book, especially, becomes about Violet rather than Finch and what he has been going through. While I am aware that there is a lot of stigma surrounding mental illness, I did hope that the novel would fight against that in order to show that we should at least try to understand and attempt to help someone who is suffering from it.

Despite this, I really enjoyed the novel, and I am certain that Finch will forever remain on my list of most beloved book characters. I do really recommend this book, especially if you’re a fan of John Green-like novels (yes, the promo is right in this comparison, to some extent). I personally look forward to reading more novels by Jennifer Niver.

How to get through deadlines

I have very strong reactions when “deadline” is mentioned – I get terrible flashbacks of sleepless nights, copious amounts of caffeine, stress and anxiety. I am certain that I am not the only one who feels this way, because deadlines are scary and I have yet to meet someone who associates that word with anything positive. Which is why I feel that it is important to try and learn how to deal with deadlines, since it’s something that no one is going to be able to escape from – hence me writing this blog post. However, I did not want it to be one of those “guides” that you find everywhere on the Internet, with tips like “make sure you sleep enough” or “too much caffeine won’t help you,” because I have never found them useful. Instead, I want to share with you the things that I personally do when deadlines are getting closer that take some of the stress away.

• Just get started – It might sound very obvious, but getting started is usually the toughest step for me. Seeing all the work piling up, knowing that I am slowly running out of time gets me so scared that I end up putting it off even longer. It’s a vicious cycle, which only ends when I manage to get myself to sit down at my desk and start working.
• Don’t abandon your work – Just because I get started does not always result in getting my work done. It still feels overwhelming at times, and that’s when I get the strong urge to take a break for a while (this “while” usually turns into a whole day). Which is why l have become a big fan of the Pomodoro Technique – I chose one of the many things I am have to work on, and set a timer for half an hour, in which I only focus on the task at hand. It usually manages to get me going and insures that I do not give up what I started (or, at least ,for half an hour).
• Avoid distractions – Over the years, I have become a bit too in love with my social media accounts, which I check religiously. This is especially the case when I know I should be focusing on work. My almost impulsive need to check my phone, go on Facebook, or complete that very important Buzzfeed quiz that will tell me what kind of cheese I am according to my astrological sign, is always what turns a 5 minute break into a 15 minute one. I feel like the best way to solve this would be to use one of those boxes with a timed lock so that you can’t get your phone out until the time is up, but since I don’t have such a technological wonder, I have to resort to the old-fashioned technique of leaving my phone in another room, or putting it somewhere out of my reach (which usually means at the back of my closet, because that place is a mess).
• Take naps – This is by far my favourite thing to do during deadlines. I work best late at night, after dinner. However, I am a huge worrier, and I always feel the need to wake up as early as I can in the morning, to get a head start on the day. This usually means that, by the afternoon, I am falling asleep standing up. Which is why I love naps so much – they allow me to take a break from my work, and get that much-needed rest. No amount of caffeine will ever help me as much as naps do.
• Don’t forget to eat – I have been told there are two types of people when it comes to eating during stressful situations, those who don’t eat anything, and those who eat everything. I fall into the former category – I tend to forget to leave time for meals when deadlines are looming over my head, and I end up only snacking on sweets and chocolate throughout the day. No one has come out and said it to my face, but I am aware that it is a bad habit. Which is why now, whenever I have to get through stressful periods like deadlines, I begin my day by making time for my meals, and usually setting alarms so I don’t forget. It at least gives me the impression that I am taking care of myself, so I can feel like a proper adult amid all the chaos caused by stress.

While these things might not guarantee you smooth sailing through deadlines, I hope that they at least give you a reassuring feeling that you are not alone when you feel like you are being swallowed up by the amount of work you have to get through. I wish you the best of luck with it!

 

February Favourites

We are now truly in spring – March is properly underway. Which means, it’s time to pause for a second and reminisce on the winter that has just passed, with a focus on the month on February which we have just left behind – and to remember all the good things that it has brought. February was a good month for me, and I have been looking forward to writing this post, and being able to put all my favourite parts of it in one place.

Favourite Movies

• 2 Night Stand – When I first sat down to watch this, I did it with some scepticism, I have to admit. It didn’t have the best reviews online, and it seemed like a typical rom-com that, while feel-good, doesn’t really have substance. While these feelings were not subdued by the time I was done watching, it did manage to pleasantly surprise me. The movie is genuinely feel-good, and it touches on some very of-the-moment issues, such as online dating, cheating, having good, enjoyable sex, and, of course, one night stands. The movie didn’t really go into much depth regarding these topics, but then again, a rom-com is there for you to enjoy, not necessarily to make you ponder the meaning of life. It does provide a good way to open such a discussion (about things like dating, not the meaning of life), however, which can lead to some interesting conversations after the movie. The characters are also very easy to love, if ever so slightly irritating. There are a lot of hilarious moments that really make this movie worth it.
• The Danish Girl – I have heard a lot of mixed opinions about this, but my love for Eddie Redmayne compelled me to watch it. The movie is beautiful, from the acting to the cinematography, especially the way it presents the story of Einar Wegener. It really got to the heart of how confusing and challenging the journey of understanding who you are can be. I absolutely loved Alicia Vikander and her role as Gerda Wegener – the support that Gerda offers Einer/ Lili through the confusion of the transition process is really inspirational. At the same time, the movie does not hide the emotional distress that she is going through, despite putting on a brave face. It’s a very emotional movie that really gets to you in the best way.
• Into The Woods – The movie was described to me as a Disney mash-up where one of the princes cheats. I feel like I won’t be able to give a more compelling round-up of it, but I will say that it is so much better than just that. You have Meryl Streep, Emily Blunt, James Corden, Anna Kendrick, Chris Pine and Johnny Depp – right from the get-go, there’s the promise of a very entertaining musical. And it delivers! The songs are very catchy, the characters are amazing (my favourite are the two princes) and above all, it gives your abs a workout with all the laughter that it provokes. The different Grimm fairy tales, Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella, Jack and the Beanstalk and Rapunzel, are brought together incredibly well, through the main narrative of the baker and his wife and their attempt to get rid of the curse that is stopping them from fulfilling their dream of having a child.

Favourite Music

• Amber Run – The highlight of February was definitely seeing Amber Run live. The concert was amazing – I thoroughly encourage everyone to see them live if they have the chance. Even though a few weeks have passed since then, I have not been able to stop listening to their songs as a result of the joy of that night. I also have to mention that Joe Keogh is an exceptionally sweet human being – he hung around after the show to take photos with the fans and talk to them , and never once seemed to mind the huge amount of people who were crowded around him.
• Birdy – I mentioned Summer Well in my January favourites post  – Birdy is among the artists performing at the festival, and as a result, I have used this as an excuse to obsessively listen to all her songs. Her voice is mesmerizing, and there are quite a number of songs that I realised I haven’t given a chance before because they never became radio hits. I also recommend listening to her covers – her voice can turn the most perky pop song into one filled with soul and expression.
• Troye Sivan / Years and Years – I have been altering between the two quite often during February – they are really good background songs for reading, writing, and acting quite well as motivational songs. February was a very busy month, packed with lots of deadlines and work, and both Troye Sivan as well as Years and Years have helped me make it through those stressful times.

Favourite TV Shows

• Free! ( Iwatobi Swim Club/ Eternal Summer) – After watching Yuri on Ice! in January, I was recommended this anime. Although not a fan of sports-focused shows, I surprisingly really enjoyed moments such as Rei being taught how to swim, or the various swimming competitions that are presented. The anime focuses mainly on the friendship between the numerous characters that appear in the show, and explores themes such as the jealousy that can appear between friends, having to deal with the unknown of the future, and growing up. It’s a great anime, with lots of sweet moments that make it a very feel-good show.
• Tattoo Fixers – What could be better than watching people with terrible, embarrassing, regretful tattoos cover them up with actual artwork? Nothing, especially at the end of a really stressful, terrible week. It’s very entertaining, and does not have to be watched in one go – it’s one of those amazing shows that you can watch when you want something enjoyable that allows you to shut off your brain and ignore your problems for an hour.
• The British Bake Off – With BBC1 giving the show over to Channel 4 (why?) and only Paul Hollywood remaining from the original quartet that we all loved, I was berry sad when Series 7 ended. This has led to me watching all the previous GBBO series, which have now made me feel even worse about the show’s future. It also never fails to make me hungry.

Favourite Reading

• Paul’s Case by Willa Cather – I always enjoy reading short stories. They don’t take up lots of your time, are generally really good, and very entertaining. Due to the restriction of their size (they do have to be short, after all) they usually get down to business right from the start. Paul’s Case is no exception. It is a very intriguing story about a young man who tries to escape from his bland life by running away to New York, and staying at the luxurious Waldorf Astoria Hotel. However, the story deals with numerous intruiging themes, revealed to the reader upon multiple readings. It’s extremely fascinating and raises a lot of questions, which make for an interesting conversation.
• The Runaway Slave at Pilgrim’s Point By Elizabeth Barret Browning – Browning is among my favourite poets, and while there are many poems that I love by her, the most recent one that I have been enjoying is The Runaway Slave at Pilgrim’s Point, a very poignant presentation of slavery in America. Browning was an abolitionist, therefore the focus of this poem is the trauma and pain that the speaker, a slave woman, has to endure under the cruelty of her white master.

Female characters you NEED in your life

Happy International Women’s Day to all the amazing, lovely, badass ladies out there! What better occasion than this day, dedicated to celebrating and empowering women, than to talk about my favourite fictional females of all time? There are many to whom I have looked up to throughout my life – they have helped me improve my self-confidence, overcome struggles with body image or societal expectations. I owe a lot to the books I read, the movies and shows I watch, and the characters I find in them, which is why I feel like the world needs to know and celebrate more the importance of female characters and the impact that they can have on their readers.

From books:

• Matilda ( Matilda by Roald Dahl) – As the first role model that I ever had in my life, Matilda is truly one of a kind. Teaching children that adults are not always right is a very important lesson, which I had not encountered before. Matilda is also always true to herself and not afraid to show it; she doesn’t let anyone try to change who she is. Plus, who could hate a girl who loves to read? The book’s wonderful message that knowledge is power has stuck with me throughout my life.
• Hermione Granger (the Harry Potter franchise by J.K Rowling) – Hermione is the one who taught me that there was no shame in being called an overachiever, or being labelled a bookworm. Being interested in your academical success is important, and Hermione is a reminder of that. However, she also reminds us that life is not only about “books and cleverness”, but also about friendship and bravery. She nails those too, even Ron admits it: “We wouldn’t last two days without her.”
• Jo March (Little Women by Louisa May Alcott) – I love all the March sisters and what they stand for. However, Jo is the one that really stood out to me. She doesn’t fit into the gender norms that society ascribed, she doesn’t settle for things that are simply expected of her – she only agrees to the things she wants – and never forgets her family and friends, even while fighting for her dreams.Above all, she is a writer (I have a weak spot for them)!
• Elizabeth Bennet (Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen) – I feel like it would not be an overstatement to claim that Elizabeth Bennet can be considered one of the most respected female heroines in English literature – she is that awesome. She is intelligent, witty and incredibly passionate about her beliefs. She gives little thought to the opinions of others regarding her character. Of course, she still has flaws (she judges others very easily, is dismissive when others do things that she disapproves of, and is rather bad at adapting to different situations) which many have labelled as her way of rejecting the repressive standards of her time. This might be true, but those flaws make her story compelling and interesting, and show that being flawed adds to one’s character rather than takes away from it.
• Celie (The Colour Purple by Alice Walker) – Women’s rights sit at the heart of Walker’s novel, but this theme shines through Celie. She has to suffer through emotional and physical abuse, but she never complains about any of the injustice done to her; she simply wonders why it exists. Her self-worth, of which there is little in the beginning of the novel, grows immensely as the narrative progresses, and she ends up a confident woman by the end. This is mostly thanks to the amazing female friendships that are portrayed in the novel – Shug encourages Celie to grow stronger psychologically and Sofia shows Celie how to stand up to men and to prejudice and injustice. The emotional strength that Celie shows , her perseverance and ferocious love for her sister are traits that make Celie a truly unforgettable character.

From movies:

• Mulan (Mulan) – How many people would give up their whole life (name, identity, their home and its comforts, the familiarity of their surroundings) and go fight in the war for their father? Mulan did it without a second thought, something that stuck with me since the first time I saw the Disney movie. Her bravery left me speechless, not to mention the fact that Mulan was also the first movie I saw where the girl saves the guy and there’s no waiting around for the prince. I am very glad this is something that can be found in several Disney movies now.
• Elle Woods (Legally Blonde) – Quirky, fun and an inspiration to women everywhere. Whatever doubts people might have about Elle’s character are shattered from the moment she sets her mind on going to Harvard and never gives up her goal until it is achieved. Despite everyone’s doubts, she not only makes it to Harvard, she also makes it to the top of the class. She never shies away from calling people out for their preconceptions of her due to her looks, she is supportive of her friends, and always remains true to herself. Take that from a “dumb blonde”!
• Bridget Jones (Briget Jones’ Diary) – There is a lot of dispute around whether or not Bridget Jones is a good role model to have, especially as a feminist. Without wanting to get into that debate, I will say that I have always liked Bridget Jones. She is a very refreshing character to see on-screen. She is much more realistic than other rom-com heroines; she is a pretty relatable woman in search of love. I appreciate her awkwardness the most, and the way she handles that. Life is not always pretty and smooth, and other than creating a moment of comedy, Bridget’s slip-ups remind us that they are a normal occurrence. What’s also important to acknowledge is that every time Bridget says the wrong thing, she always manages to recover. As the saying goes, “fall down seven times, stand up eight” – Bridget Jones is the embodiment of that, which is why I will always appreciate her character.
• Belle (Beauty and the Beast) – I have a real love for bookworms (in case this was not evident by now) and it will come as no surprise that Belle is my favourite Disney princess of all time. She appreciates the value of knowledge, looks beyond appearances and values personality. She doesn’t fall for the first guy that sets eyes on her, loves her father and sacrifices her freedom for him, , and, just like Mulan, ends up doing the saving instead of needing to be saved. Which is why I am loving the fact that Belle will be played by Emma Watson in the live action movie – there’s no one better suited to fill Belle’s shoes. The remake also turns Belle into an inventor – what a role model for girls everywhere!
• Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games) – Katniss is worth of admiration right from the start, through her love for her sister and her selflessness. She truly inspires to believe in personal strength, and in the change that can result from a single person. Despite adversity, she still did what was right, even when that proved not to be easy. Her perseverance and her strong will are what drew me to her, and what make her the heroine that she is.

From TV Shows:

• Leslie Knope (Parks and Recreation) – When it comes to empowering female characters, look no further than Leslie Knope. From her wall of inspirational women, to her fierce love for her friends, it just doesn’t get better than Leslie. She does not tolerate mansplaining, she is ready to put privileged men in their place, she fights for sexual education and is hilarious in every single episode. If you are looking for a perfect woman, her name is Leslie Knope.
• Donna Paulsen (Suits) – I am yet to find a person who is not in love with Donna. She might be known due to her working for Harvey Specter, but she is so much more than that. She is extremely perceptive, knows everything that happens in the firm and has a sharper wit than everyone else’s put together. She knows her strengths and weaknesses and is not afraid to use them in her advantage. Everyone, from the associates to the partners, respects but also fears her. Donna is truly a force of nature. On top of all this, she is also an amazing friend, and fiercely loyal. I think everyone should strive to be like Donna.
• Arya Stark (Game of Thrones) – Arya Stark was a favourite of mine since the beginning of the show. She clearly has no interest to fit into the role that society has deemed for her, that of a lady. She excels at male oriented activities such as archery, does not “dress to impress” but rather does it for personal comfort and she doesn’t let people talk down to her. She is independent and fierce, and everyone loves her for it.
• Eleven (Stranger Things) – It took Eleven only one week to escape from a highly secure secret organisation that was holding her hostage, learn the true meaning of friendship, and save an innocent child from being killed by a horrible monster through personal sacrifice. That already shows how much love, compassion and strength she possesses. She doesn’t let her gender determine how she goes about her life, acting on what she thinks she should be rather than what society expects her to be. She goes against the idea that girls are the ones that need to be saved, and ends up being the saviour instead. She also sets an example to everybody through her interactions with male characters in the show, not allowing them to walk over her or dictate her behaviour.
• Kala Dandekar (Sense8) – Here you have an Indian woman who works as a scientist for a major pharmaceutical company in Mumbai – this alone makes her an inspiration already. However, she does not stop there. Throughout the series, she uses her scientific skills on several occasions to save the other characters – she makes a bomb using simple kitchen supplies and knows what drugs to use to wake people from medically induced comas. It can not get more badass than that!

 

 

 

 

Personal Top 3 LGBT Movies

Today is the first day of spring, and while I am very relieved to see March is finally here, it does mean that LGBT History Month is officially over. However, the feeling of acceptance, love, community and pride doesn’t have to end just because there is no label to put on it. Therefore, I have decided to compile a list of my personal three favourite LGBT movies, to keep the spirit of LGBT History Month going even after it has finished. They are listed in no particular order, since I love them all equally.

1. Carol (2015)

If there’s one movie that I hope you go and watch after reading this post, it is this one. Carol has been the one LGBT movie that I haven’t been able to shut up about since watching it. The fact that it has an equally amazing book at the core of it, The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith (which I also recommend you go and read), makes it even better – it’s an amazing adaptation.

In a nutshell, Carol tells the story of the love and affair between a young photographer, Therese Belivet (played by Rooney Mara), and an older woman, Carol Aird (played by Cate Blanchett), who is going through a rocky divorce. The story is set in 1950s New York.

My favourite thing about this movie is the way it manages to capture that breathtaking yet mundane moment when one realises they have truly fallen in love. I have seen no other movie portray it as well as Carol does. It also presents the best LGBT friendship I have seen in a movie that is supposed to focus on same-sex love, that between Carol and Abby. They’re open to each other, their devotion and loyalty and understanding of each other is breathtaking, and the familiarity between the two really tugs at your heartstrings. If you don’t want to watch it for the glamour of 1950’s America, or the cinematography, or the amazing acting, watch it for the relationships it portrays.

Picture curtesy of Rotten Tomatoes

2. Blue is the Warmest Colour/ La Vie d’Adèle (2013)

This movie holds a special place in my heart, since it was the movie that helped me deal with my own confused mind regarding my sexuality. It was a crucial for me, and has therefore had a big impact.

The movie focuses on a French teenager who deals with a newfound desire for a mysterious woman with blue hair that she encounters by chance on the street, and later at a gay bar. Adèle’s (played by Adèle Exarchopoulos) coming-of-age story about her passionate relationship with her first love, Emma (played by Léa Seydoux) is a very relatable one. Her experience of dealing with the uncertainty of her sexuality is sure to echo that of many people in the LGBT community. She is a character that, despite being irritating to some at varying points throughout the movie, is very easy to identify with.

The movie’s raw and uncensored depiction of sexuality has been heavily criticised, yet I believe it is one of the things that make Blue is the Warmest Colour so amazing (and so do people such as Steven Spielberg). The explicit sex scenes are not there just for the sake of it, they make the relationship three dimensional.*

Image curtesy of IMDb

3. The Way He Looks/ Hoje Eu Quero Voltar Sozinho  (2014)

If I were to describe my love for this movie, I would say it was accidental and unexpected. And if I were to be clichéic, I would use the now-famous phrase: “I fell in love the way you fall asleep, slowly, and then all at once.” I might have raised a few eyebrows at first, but the movie soon took hold of my heart and it has been in my list of all time favourite movies ever since.

The Way He Looks is a captivating coming-of-age love story between Leonardo ( played by Ghilherme Lobo), a blind boy who is struggling to be independent, and Gabriel (played by Fabio Audi), Leo’s new classmate. Based off the short film I Don’t Want to Go Back Alone, The Way He Looks expands on the themes that the film touches upon, as well as explores the relationship between the boys in more depth.

The way the movie handles homosexuality and disability, two topics that can either make or break such a story, is exceptional. Moreover, Leo is a very lovable character. He feels overprotected by those around him, the best example being his friend Giovana, who walks home with him every day even though she lives in the opposite direction to his house. He has to deal with an overbearing mother and plenty of bullying at school, experiences with which anyone watching the movie can at least sympathise, if not identify, with, regardless of being disabled or not. Leo is a character that does not tick all the boxes that society exoects him to, which is what makes the movie so unique and lovable – its message of embracing who you are and realising that your differences are what make you great comes across loud and clear.

Image courtesy of Rotten Tomatoes

These movies mean a lot to me, but remember, they are only my personal preference. I would love to hear what your top LGBT movie recommendations are!

*Disclaimer: I am aware of the numerous statements made by the two actresses regaring the harrowing experienence of filming the movie, especially the sex scenes. My appreciation of those scenes does not mean I am dismissing their statements; my focus in this article is on the movie itself, not the process of filming and production.

Valentine’s Day gift ideas

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and all around me people are getting more and more worked up regarding gifts and dinner plans. While I cannot help you get a dinner reservation at that amazing, romantic restaurant everyone is raving about, I have decided to lend a hand to all the confused magical souls out there who are in need of a bit of inspiration when it comes to giving their heart to their Valentine (without actually giving it away).

1) Let someone else express the love you feel – books, music, movies.

A classic when it comes to gift-giving, yet always efficient. You could opt to go for something you know they already like – a specific genre, author/artist/director/actor – or, based on the things you know they already like, get them something you know they will enjoy but haven’t taken into consideration so far.

Seeing as it is Valentine’s, you could try gifting a collection of poems instead of the typical Penguin Classics, or a CD that you could use as the backdrop to your romantic home-cooked dinner for that night, or (why not?) be more practical than usual and grab a movie that you will both enjoy at the end of the evening.

Some recommendations:

Books – Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen – Lullabies by Lang Leav – One Day by David Nichols – Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowel

Music – The Beatles, LP,  John Legend, Fifty Shades of Gray soundtrack, concert tickets to Ed Sheeran, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, The XX, U2.

Movies – Moulin Rouge, The Way He Looks, Dirty Dancing, Juno, Beauty and the Beast (or any Disney movie)

2) Let art express the love you feel

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but for this Valentine’s, all you need it to express are three, so why not let a cute print do the talking? The options are endless – you could go for a sweet and loving pun, or chose a more cheeky approach. Or maybe try to be more personal about your artsy gift, and have it personalised – a photo of you and your Valentine, or one depicting a fond memory the two of you have. One of my favourite ideas when it comes to gifting art is a city map. Although it might sound boring, it is a sweet customisable idea – the map could be of the city where the two of you met, where you currently live or where you were born.

Image courtesy of Anna Saccone

3) Let their interests help you express the love you feel

If you want to play it very safe and make sure you impress your Valentine, a good idea is to turn to their interests and surprise them with gifts that will take pride of place in their heart and home – merchandise from their favourite TV shows, video games or favourite bands. If they have a hobby that they are passionate about, besides trying to take part in it, you could help them expand and improve by buying supplies or “How To” books.

4) Let clothes express the love you feel

No, I do not mean the “I am with sexy” T-shirts, nor do I mean sexy lingerie – unless you are into that, in which case, by all means, do go ahead. What I do mean is, show them you pay attention to the little things in your conversations, like when they want an article of clothing but cannot find it in stores. Make the effort to find it for them, or why not go all the way and custom make it?

One of my favourite gifts that I received was a hand painted T-shirt with a pattern that I could not find in any store, no matter how much I looked for it. I appreciated the effort and the realisation that my useless whining was not being completely drowned out in conversation. And Valentine’s Day is all about little things like that, is it not?

5) Express your love through food

If you feel like straying away from the traditional presents, food related gifts are a good way to go, especially if you get creative with them. Why give your Valentine a bouquet of roses when you could give them a bouquet of treats? If you are a lover of puns like myself, you could incorporate them in your gift – one idea is to get some simple jars, write a food related pun on the label, such as “I am nuts for you”, and fill the jar with the corresponding food (in this case, nuts).

 

Image courtesy of The Domestic Curator

I hope these ideas are useful, and that you all have a magical day.

Remember that Valentine’s Day is a day to show your love and compassion for those around you, regardless of your relationship status – an should be something that you try to do every day.

 

January Favourites – the Unicorn edition

As the first month of the year drew to a close, I kept seeing numerous Youtubers and bloggers post about their monthly favourites, and I decided to take inspiration from them and write a January favourites post as well, with a personal twist to it. As I do not have many other talents besides binge watching a show in a day or finishing a book in a similar amount of time, my list will consist of my favourite Tv shows, movies and music, watched or listened to this (past) month.

Favourite Tv Shows

• Sherlock – January marked the airing of the much anticipated fourth season of BBC’s Sherlock. This show, despite the small number of seasons, never fails to amaze. All three episodes were gripping, exciting and intriguing, and for three beautiful weeks, my Sunday nights took me on a rollercoaster of emotions that inevitably ended on a cliffhanger.
• A Series of Unfortunate Events – Yet another captivating series beautifully delivered by Netflix. Watching this is definitely one of the best things I have done this month. The acting is amazing, the characters are captivating, and the filming is very well done. On top of all this, the show has one of the best intros I have ever seen.
• Yuri on Ice!  – This is the first yaoi that I have seen (there might be more like this, I just haven’t stumbled across them yet) that is not centered around a gay relationship. The anime focuses instead on hard work, determination and figure ice skating. The romance is never forced on us, it is simply presented as a result of two guys working together towards a common goal, falling in love after getting to know each other this way. It’s sweet and beautiful – the ice skating is mesmerising and the characters are adorable. It also gets extra points for a very catchy intro song – it’s become one of my favourites.

Favourite Movies

• Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them – What a comeback for the Harry Potter fandom! I have to admit, I walked into the cinema rather sceptical about it, and did not expectation much from it. By the end, however, I was in love. The movie offers new insight into the magical world we all love, showing us the American magical community of the 1920s, and giving us a closer look at the numerous magical creatures that we have only managed to glimpse before. And all this is narrated by the sweetest Hufflepuff – it was about time that they got more recognition, and a chance to show everyone how badass and amazing they are.
• Assassin’s Creed – Another movie that I was sceptical about before actually seeing. I am a big fan of the video games, and I was worried about the way the production team was going to approach adapting it into a movie due to fans’ supposed  expectations. I was very impressed with it, however. The game series focuses mostly on Desmond Miles’ experience in the Animus. The movie focuses more on the Abstergo Industires, and expands the mythology of the game by featuring a new story (a great way not to get the fans upset, in my opinion). It’s a great action movie, and I was very impressed with the way it was filmed.
• Sing – By far the most hilarious movie I have seen this year (even though it has just started). It’s incredibly adorable (who doesn’t love animated, singing animals?) and genuinely feel-good, with a huge number of recognisable songs that you will definitely sing along to (I know I did, and everyone in the row behind me hated me for it).

Favourite Music

• LP – I will forever be thankful to Orange is the New Black for introducing me to the amazing voice of LP. I have become a super obsessed fan – I know all her songs off by heart. Which is why I was so happy when I saw that she released two new music videos last week. Although these are for pre-existing songs, it gave me an excuse to spend the whole evening listening to her albums.
• Nothing but Thieves – This weekend, Summer Well (a music festival that takes place every August in Romania) released the names of the first four artists that will perform at the festival, and I was thrilled to see that Nothing but Thieves was among them. Although I don’t listen to their songs as often as I did when I first stumbled upon them, I am always left in awe whenever I do. They are a one-of-a-kind band with a very unique style. I cannot wait to see them live this summer!
• 50 Shades Darker soundtrack –  Where the movies lack, the soundtracks make up for it. Two years ago, the 50 Shades of Gray soundtrack went beyond my expectations (yes, I didn’t expect much from the movie. Can you blame me though?) Therefore, I was buzzing with anticipation for the music they were going to use in the second movie of the series. You just have to look at the artists that feature on it to know this is a soundtrack that you will be listening to on repeat – Halsey, John Legend, Sia, Kygo, Tove Lo and Taylor Swift are but a few of the talented voices that make this sountrack amazing.

Letter to my 18 year old self

With my birthday having just passed, I have been spending time reflecting on the 18th year of my life. I have decided that before I start looking towards the possibilities that lie ahead of me this year, I will cast one final glance behind, to acknowledge the experiences that have helped in my continuous development. During this process of reminiscing on the past year, I have realised there are a few important things that I wish I could tell my just-turned-18 self.

1) Stop comparing yourself to others. You are doing just fine.

I have struggled with lack of self-confidence for as long as I can remember. I feel compelled to blame the educational system in my home country for this, because it encourages students of all ages to constantly rank themselves against their classmates by placing utmost importance on grades. Interestingly enough, however, ever since I started University, this problem has become more acute, despite being in a much less competitive environment than the one I grew up in. Or maybe, because of such an environment. It could also be the fact that everything is so different at University to how it was in high school, and it has thrown me off-balance. Whatever the reason, my constant need to compare myself to those around me is a big strain on my happiness, and I have slowly realised over the past year that such a thing is not helpful in any way – at least, not when done in excess, which is what I have been doing. I am aware that comparing yourself to others can be motivational for some people, but as it has never been the case for me, this bad habit is something that I have decided to leave in the past. I am now more aware than ever that everyone goes through life at their own pace, and just because you feel like you are going slower than other people does not mean you are not going to get there in the end.

2) Cut yourself some slack.

Over the years, I have slowly become my biggest critic. Self-criticism is good, in small, regulated doses, but what I have been doing to myself lately has gone beyond that.Nothing that I do is ever good enough, I constantly feel like I could do better and that I fail to reach expectations. But whose expectations? Sure, there is a certain standard that I have to maintain in aspects such as Uni work, but that is nothing compared to the impossible standards that I set myself. I always seek out my shortcomings, always acknowledge my failures, always dismiss praise. Such a negative way of looking at things is going to get me nowhere. It’s a recipe for disaster – it will certainly hinder my personal growth and keep me back from improvement. Perfection is not achievable, and that’s ok. I have to realise that as long as I give it my best, there is no reason to feel disappointed. It will take work to silence the harsh voice in my head, but it’s something that is worth the effort.

3) Embrace homesickness.

Ever since I got to move to London as a child, I have found it difficult to define “home”.  As my English teacher eloquently put it, I am stuck between two countries, two nationalities, and two identities. I am both and none at the same time. It used to cause me a lot of worry and uneasiness. When I lived in London, I missed Bucharest. When I moved back to Bucharest, I missed London. It’s an unsettling feeling, to not know where your roots are. And yes, I don’t believe that our roots are necessarily in the place where we are born, I believe they are planted in whatever place we call home. Going to University, away from both “homes”, allowed me to gain a new perspective on the matter. For the first time, I started believing in the words “home is not a place”. Home is where you feel loved, comfortable, yourself, at ease. My home, as I have finally realised, is each and every person that I cherish in my life, friends and family. They are all my anchors, my roots. In their own special ways, they keep me grounded and create a sense of belonging. Therefore, being homesick is not as confusing anymore. And I am going to embrace the feeling differently than I did before, now that I finally know what “home” is to me.

4) Don’t fight a losing battle.

People leave. It is something that will inevitably happen. I have learned that better than ever once I left high school. As you evolve and grow, so do the people around you. Values change, perspectives shift, ideas get renewed it’s normal that, as a consequence of this, people end up growing apart. And I have come to understand that it can be more damaging to hold on to those who want to leave than to simply take the time to miss them once you shut the door behind them. It doesn’t do you any good to put in effort when the other person does not do the same. Therefore, let people be. Let them leave, let them stay, but never force them. It’s the least you can do, out of respect both for yourself and for them.What I feel like I have overlooked in this situation in the past year is the fact that you should also apply it to yourself. If you aren’t putting enough love into a relationship, it’s better to step away, and let the other person focus on people who invest as much love as they do. As a result of this, it is important to surround yourself with people who help you grow. The size of your circle of friends is not as important as the people who are part of it, and they should  not make you question your importance in their life, nor their love for you.

5) Embrace your natural beauty.

It has officially taken me 7 years to look past my acne. It’s been a struggle that I feel I have carried out for longer than that, however. Having acne has been the cause of numerous low points in my adolescence, when my self-esteem would be almost non-existent, and everything would come crashing down as a result. I have never been a naturally confident person – rather, I constantly feel like one of the most awkward human beings to grace the Earth. As a result, I don’t like drawing attention to myself. And having a face covered in acne always felt like it created the most unnecessary attention. People stare. It’s the truth. They might also stare if you have amazing skin, because who is not in awe at such a thing, but people will surely notice if your face isn’t flawless. For the past 5 years I have been constantly working on averting those looks from my face, but at the same time, allowing me the confidence to look at myself in the mirror and like what I see. And finally, I have achieved that goal. And I now move on to the next struggle – making sure I don’t fall back into my old habits. I have to allow myself the odd acne breakout without letting it diminish my self-worth and beauty.

Being 18 was an interesting chapter in my life, but it is now time to enjoy the next one.